THE ROOTS OF A PANIC 

As children, we all needed the kind of attention that would help us develop healthy self-esteem; if/when we didnt get enough of it, we began to doubt our value and lovability. As we grew, our parents might have punished or ignored us, just for expressing feelings that were inconvenient or unpleasant for them to accommodate. So, in order to get vital supplies of acceptance and approval, or (at least) avoid alienation, we learned to appear and act a certain way around Mom and Dad--and some of us still do! Repetition of these experiences made us learn to suppress the feelings that our parents treated as negative or "bad," such as sadness, frustration, anger, etc. (and what was our reward for learning to control those emotions? Occasionally we got the attention we really needed, so we could feel better about ourselves, and get by).

An adult who suppresses feelings, was generally a child who felt it was safer to become invisible in his home, so as not to put more burden on his parent (and feel guilty), or be punished for having any needs.

For many of us, suppression of difficult feelings developed into a pattern of accommodation (or people pleasing). Without competent help, this tendency remains alive forever, and impacts every aspect of our existence. In worse case scenarios, it prompts/perpetuates Agoraphobia. As an agoraphobic, youre terrified of leaving your home, for fear youll experience total loss of control (and humiliation) in the midst of a panic attack. But in truth, since virtually all unfavorable feelings have been repressed during your life, youre now imprisoned by a limiting disorder that keeps you homebound. Tragically, if youve never had opportunity to learn how to deal with your feelings, yourfeelings will deal with you!

we must learn  how to honor, experience and express our feelings.

Panic attacks can keep us trapped in loveless, passionless relationships. We cling to them, because we think we need the other person--even if were no longer wanting him/her, or this partner is abusive. Quite often, its various elements within the relationship or marriage itself, which are triggering our anxiety! When weve gained some strength to help us deal with the source of our pain, panic magically evaporates.

 By : Shari Schreiber, M.A.